Two Denny’s waitresses have created the ultimate bin Laden insult (they know it’s the ultimate insult … because they actually asked!).
The two waitresses — to be called “Laverne and Shirley” for security reasons — have created the most inflammatory propaganda weapon possible in bin Laden’s culture.
The device is a breakthrough in propaganda technology and a patent is pending!
One mistake America makes in dealing with its foes is never speaking in “their language.” We always act in ways that are appropriate for our society … not theirs. By doing this we hardly ever get our message across.
When you talk to somebody you have to talk in their language. Hey, I’m just a waitress but it sure seems obvious to me, and yet WE NEVER DO IT! According to the Koran and the Hadith, dogs are the absolute worst. To the Muslim, being called a “dog” is about the worst insult possible.
So … Let’s give the al Qaeda and bin Laden an insult that they understand and that’ll get their turbans spinning!
Lower Than a Dog is a ruggedized, adhesive-backed placard of bin Laden — designed to be affixed to fire hydrants and other appropriate posts, poles, and walls where dogs urinate.
BUT THIS IS NOT YOUR MOMMY’S INSULT … This thing glows in the dark! And this thing is loaded with doggie scent (real pheromones) to lure dogs from a quarter mile away!
To doggies, this thing says … “It’s Pee Time!”It reminds us all of the gallant firefighters of 9-11 and it shows what even America’s dogs think of bin Laden.
To lure dogs to the “target,” each placard has been equipped with a small reservoir of doggie scent (pheromones) which signal dogs even a quarter mile away to seek out the placard and urinate upon it.
YES! To add another layer of insult, each placard is composed of strontium-aluminate-coated plastic which absorbs light during the day and glows brightly at night. Thus, America will be reminded of bin Laden’s true place in history even on the darkest night.
Thanks to Lower Than a Dog, bin Laden’s television media outlets cannot but show the world what America really thinks of this psychopath.
It also may be a good replica of the “glow” little Osama would get if we turn his bunker to thermo-nuclear green glass.
No longer can Osama bin Laden be a great man in the Muslim World, now he is only something for America’s — and the World’s — dogs to target with their bodily fluids.
You get a really fancy mailing envelope (electrically sealed to keep the yummie doggie pheromones inside), you get an instruction manual, you get a six-pack … SIX, BIG, GLOW-IN-THE-DARK IMAGES OF THE DOG PIDDLE BIN LADEN … ready for your doggie and mine! Each bin Laden target is also individually sealed inside its own electrically-welded nylon bag. Gotta save all those pheromones for doggies everywhere!!!
No, NOT the Red Cross. Any organization where even the local directors are making maybe even $300k a year is not for us … (did you know that??) NO! We found one that’s been around for about 15 years and has sent people into Afghanistan and has actually done things of value — free plastic surgery for kids, lots of 40 ft cargo containers full of food, etc. This is a real 501c3 that’s got almost no overhead and just gets stuff done. Middle America, honest people, none of this “It’s for the children” and instead then they use the cash to fly the Concorde to Paris. NO, these people are wonderful and people we need to help.
For all you pig farmers in Internet-land … yes, a PIG peeing on Osama is worse than a dog doing it. But most of us don’t have too many pigs wandering the streets. Yes, somebody got a pig on an airplane as a passenger … as a Companion Animal (which then went bonkers as the plane took off) but the rest of us are stuck with … dogs. If you know a pig farmer, SEND HIM A PACK OF OUR OSAMAS AND PLEASE CALL THE LOCAL NEWS!
We were kinda stuck when we designed this pee target. We did not want to create a product that glorified this guy and his band or crazies. So we decided to make it look as if some guy in Kabul made it … with American high quality stuff. The placard itself is designed for years of outside exposure. The strontium aluminate coating is tough and also designed for years of “use.”
The adhesive we use may be the best in the entire world (no, we do not own 3M stock).
The pheromones we use are the best (we’ve actually tested lots of them — yuck! — and this one is the best).
But the photo of little Osama is total crap. This is on purpose. It is quite obvious that it’s Osama … but there ain’t no way anybody can take this photo as a compliment. If you want a pretty photo of Osama … please refer to something coming out of the Hezbollah. We got ours from the FBI website.
Strontium aluminate photoluminescent pigment is a non-toxic, non-radioactive material that glows far brighter and for longer duration than any other standard, commercial glow product. The material is recharged simply from exposure to sunlight or other light sources including auto headlamps. The panels are capable of producing 9.9 mcd/sqm luminance output even after 60 minutes under a charge source of only 24 lux. Hey … we can read the technical data sheets too …
The panels start re-charging the instant light is applied to them. In some cases the light output from the panel can be greater than the intensity of the light used to charge it.
This material is the material of choice for most emergency placards aboard ships and even on many AMTRAK passenger train cars.
A dog that pees on a fire hydrant is leaving pheromones behind to claim territory. Research has shown that the pheromone markings of an “Alpha Male” will remain untouched by lower order males. A female dog in heat releases pheromones that will attract all male dogs living within a radius of several miles.
Our pheromones are from Four Paws in Hauppauge, NY 11788.They are specifically designed as a lure to train dogs exactly where to pee.
We use 3M VHB 4941 tape. It conforms to most surface irregularities which ensures that the bond is consistent. It does well in moist environments and is resistant to ultraviolet light. If you disregard our Contract of Use and actually put these things someplace … don’t expect to ever get them off …
Here’s the “trend” in Muslim relations with dogs:
In Islam, the Arabic word sunnah has come to denote the way Prophet Muhammad (saas), the Messenger of Allah, lived his life. The Sunnah is the second source of Islamic jurisprudence, the first being the Koran. Both sources are indispensable; one cannot practice Islam without consulting both of them. The Arabic word hadith (pl. ahadith) is very similar to Sunnah, but not identical. A hadith is a narration about the life of the Prophet (saas) or what he approved — as opposed to his life itself, which is the Sunnah.
There is an Hadith which tells Muslims to wash a utensil, which a dog uses, seven times; one of them with dust and water. Some Muslim scholars say that this ruling is the same as that to remove the contamination from pigs. The dog must be classified as impure as the pig which is unanimously agreed to be impure. Further … do not get too close to a dog so that you do not need to have your clothes and other objects washed in that difficult way which the Hadith mentions.
It is not necessary for one to treat a dog in the same way as Western people treat their pets.
Remember … Allah, subhana watala, sees everything we do! (Hadith — Bukhari 3:515)
Allah’s Apostle said, “Whoever keeps a dog, one Qirat of the reward of his good deeds is deducted daily …” (Hadith — Bukhari 3:515)
I heard Allah’s Apostle saying; “Angels (of Mercy) do not enter a house wherein there is a dog …” (Hadith — Muslim)
Gabriel made a promise with Allah’s Messenger to come at a definite hour; that hour came but he did not visit him. And there was in his hand (in the hand of Allah’s Apostle) a staff. He threw it from his hand and said: Never has Allah or His messengers (angels) ever broken their promise. Then he cast a glance (and by chance) found a puppy under his cot and said: Aisha, when did this dog enter here ? She said: By Allah, I don’t know. He then commanded and it was turned out. Then Gabriel came and Allah’s Messenger said to him: You promised me and I waited for you, but you did not come, whereupon he said: It was the dog in your house which prevented me (to come), for we (angels) do not enter a house in which there is a dog … (Hadith — Muslim, Narrated Maymunah)
One morning Allah’s Messenger was silent with grief. Maymunah said: Allah’s Messenger, I find a change in your mood today. Allah’s Messenger said: Gabriel had promised me that he would meet me last night, but he did not meet me. By Allah, he never broke his promises; and Allah’s Messenger spent the day in this sad (mood). Then it occurred to him that there had been a puppy under their cot. He gave an order and it was turned out. He then took some water in his hand and sprinkled it on the place. When it was evening Gabriel met him and he said to him: You promised me that you would meet me the previous night. He said: Yes, but we do not enter a house in which there is a dog or a picture. So the very next morning he commanded the dogs to be killed. He announced that the dog kept for the orchards should also be killed … (Hadith — Mishkat)
The Prophet said, “Were dogs not a species of creature I should command that they all be killed; but kill every black one.” (Hadith — Muwatta 2.36)
Yahya related to me from Malik from Abu’z-Zinad from al-Araj from Abu Hurayra that the Messenger of Allahsaid, “If a dog drinks from your vessel, wash it seven times.” (Sahih Bukhari Volume 3, Book 34, Number 299, Narrated ’Aun bin Abu Juhaifa)
My father bought a slave who practiced the profession of cupping. (My father broke the slave’s instruments of cupping). I asked my father why he had done so. He replied, “The Prophet forbade the acceptance of the price of a dog or blood, and also forbade the profession of tattooing, getting tattooed … and cursed the picture-makers.”
Contact Information for questions and site problems:
Laverne@lowerthanadog.com Address: Laverne@LTAD Aero Drive Ste 115-#79 San Diego, CA